Apparently People Still Love Their Minivans.
When my kids reached their teens, I started looking for a minivan. Yep, you got that right. And why did I do that at this juncture of life? Let me explain.
After having babies, many of us start considering a minivan. And that would be a very good decision. I had two kids within a span of three years and a minivan would have been the logical thing to do. But I didn’t. And my decision wasn’t based on any perception that minivans are “square” or passé. I gave it a passing thought, but felt I could do without one. Even if I was financially strong, I probably would have overlooked a minivan. We had a mid-sized American car with ample space and felt we were fine.
Unexpected Surprise
As time went by, I felt I had done okay and laughed at the thought that I had sidestepped the minivan phase of my life despite considering it however fleetingly. Here’s the catch: one of my boys is Autistic. It was suspected but his psychiatrist could not tell for sure until he was almost three years old. We, had resigned ourselves to this fate, prior to the psychiatrist confirming this formally. Before going further, I want to advise anyone out there who has any kind of developmentally disabled child, they seriously need to get a minivan if they can. They may need it later, if not sooner.
“…I felt I had done okay and laughed at the thought that I had sidestepped the minivan phase of my life…”
Autistic Child = Minivan Needed
With an Autistic or similarly handicapped child, you’ll be okay with a car in their younger years. But just when those with “normal” kids are done with minivans, you my friends with an Autistic child, may likely require one. Rather your life will be much easier and safer. My advice: you can save up your money when they’re young, but consider a minivan as they go into puberty and beyond. I found this out the hard way.
Despite his handicap, our son’s life went by “normally” as far as travelling by car was concerned.
First Indications
Around the age of 10 – 11, our older Autistic boy started displaying some unusual behavior. He started cussing, glaring, and getting generally uncooperative. We chalked it up to the normal growing pains in all kids and he was likely acting up on his rebelliousness. His psychiatrist told us to discipline through psychological means. Strictness and a rigid regimen should be used as per the psychiatrist. All this is easier said than done as any parent of an AS child will vouch.
Things take a Turn
Just after turning 13, he had his first violent outburst with us. It came out of the blue and we were completely at a loss. No one had prepared us for this. We knew we had to live with it from then on. This physical aggression was unpredictable and he could turn on a dime without warning. We learnt this was very common among Autistics. Had we been warned about this earlier it wouldn’t have made any difference as we would have been in denial as we felt our boy was well behaved and an exception to the norm.
Things Spread to the Car
It was only a matter of time when his aggression occurred in the car too. And that’s exactly what happened. He started trying to attack the driver – be it me, or his mom. The car too became dangerous, not just for us, but also for other motorists as well. It could be triggered by anything. Any thought, honking, impatience, or simply if he didn’t want to go where we were headed. These aggressive outbursts in the car were the most frightful. One day we actually flagged down a cop to follow us as we drove home while he was getting violent in the car. There was no solution to this situation other than just not taking him anywhere in the car with us. But that’s untenable on the long run.
Decision Time
We started considering the various options including installing a shield behind the driver. But that felt too weak and he might break it in a fit of rage. My wife checked the SUV belonging to one of the respite workers we had and noticed the third-row seat. “That would be ideal for our situation,” she said. Our son could sit in the last row where he would be secure and away from the driver and other passenger. If there was an episode, we could safely drive home or anywhere off the road until he either cools off as we administer some medication.
Nix to the SUV
On checking out the SUVs in question, I realized the space was too small and confining for our son. He was taller than me now, and I had a hard time getting in that space, not to mention the insufficient legroom. The price for those SUVs was also discouraging. All the other SUVs had the same issues. It was back to the drawing board for us. We revisited the shield, and also considered old Police Cruisers or Taxis. Both those type of vehicles were too high mileage, roughly used, and moreover, had their shields removed. So that was out of the question.
The Solution: A Minivan
We were about to order a custom-made shield for our car, when I realized a minivan with seating capacity for 8 could fulfill our purpose. Our son can be seated in the rearmost seat, have enough legroom, sealed off from the driver, and distanced from his brother. It has same size engine too; so fuel economy is not too compromised. My wife agreed. I checked the classifieds to see if we could get a minivan that met our criteria without costing an arm or a leg. Things narrowed down to the Honda Odyssey or Toyota Sienna. So off I went minivan hunting. The images below illustrate how we could distance our son from the driver for the sake of safety:
The Search Begins
I thought it was going to be easy-peasy because I was told minivans were out of fashion and there was not much of a demand for them. Turns out I was wrong. I was basically stuck between a rock and a hard place. My wife didn’t want to pay too much, but you couldn’t have all the conditions met within our budget. The Odyssey had a Timing Belt which we wanted to ensure had been replaced in case it had done a 100K Miles/160K Kms. Only certain versions of Toyota Sienna seated 8 passengers.
Our Experience
It was surprising how much people bang up their minivans – it’s phenomenally high. They’re very roughly used and driven a lot! We rejected any van with a towing hook at the back – bad for the transmission. There were few well kept and relatively clean ones. But they were expensive. Minivans seemed to sell fast too! I would see a nice deal, and boom, it was gone by the time I got there. Who were these people?
Tougher than I thought
We also rejected all the minivans which had DVD screens. Our son is obsessed (OCD) of watching video clips over and over again and if he played one in the minivan, he would never vacate it. We came close to some deals, but no luck. After searching for an entire year, I was physically and psychologically tired.
My Wife Rejects the Last Two
The last two vehicles I came across, which my wife rejected, were the last straw. One Odyssey had a few specks of rust. But my wife felt it looked too old due to the rust scratches, despite the good price. The second was looking good, but the salesman wouldn’t budge. I realized with minivans, it’s a sellers’ market. We bargained with him for quite a while. Frustrated and without any warning, my wife walked away.
That was the last minivan we looked at. My wife was so disappointed with that salesman’s attitude, she ignored it even when the price came down to what we requsted.
Threw in the Towel
We finally threw in the towel and given up on the minivan. Despite what they say, apparently minivans are very much in demand. Again, I don’t know who is buying them. I posed this question to a salesman during my visits to the dealerships. He didn’t elaborate as he either wasn’t sure, or was simply being politically correct. One suggestion was that some people are buying them as “winter beaters.” He was likely partially right.
Bottom Line
Thankfully, with medication over the years, our son, now in his twenties, has calmed down slightly. I only take him out in the car on the rare occasion. Anyone with a child with issues similar to my son’s, is advised to seriously consider a minivan as they are worth it on the long run. You may not need it when your child is young, but you might when he/she grows older. Ideally, I hope you never require one. But life with them is unpredictable and one never knows when things turn on their head. We never suspected our son would go this way as he was meek and well-behaved when young, but turned into a ticking time bomb in his teens and adulthood.
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